WARBLERS
by samlover14
Summary: The Warblers have always deserved their own spin-off. Now they're in New York and having a great time. Warblers/Friends AU. First chapter originally written for Seblaine Week 2013. (Day Two, TV Shows) Other chapters follow Friends series plot. [Seblaine, Niff, Warbler friendship!]
1. The One With Rick

**A/N: Yay, Day Two of Seblaine Week! I know I only did 1, 2, 3, and 5 of Huntbastian week, so I swear I'm going to finish this. Enjoy this Friends AU. I seriously want to make this a whole friends au/warblers spinoff called W.A.R.B.L.E.R.S like really I really want to, but idk if I have the time. Anyhow, Enjoy!  
Note: this is a lot more Niffy than I originally intended, and it does stray from the plot of the original episode a tiny bit.**

* * *

**Day Two. TV Shows.**

Friends! The One With Russ. 2x10  
Cast:  
Blaine Anderson as Monica Geller  
Sebastian Smythe as Fun Bobby  
Nick Duval as Ross Geller  
[Some Douche named Rick as Russ]  
Jeff Sterling as Rachel Greene  
Hunter Clarington as Joey Tribbiani  
Trent Nixon as Chandler Bing  
Kurt Hummel as Phoebe Buffay  
Except for sometimes when Kurt is Chandler and Trent is Phoebe

* * *

"Calm down, Hunt, they're not going to be out of papers at 1am," Trent said as they hurried down the street.

"I'm excited, I've never gotten reviewed before," Hunter exclaimed.

"You were amazing," Blaine said. "I was really impressed. Really, I was." The six ex-Warblers paged eagerly through every paper they could get their hands on.

"Here it is, here it is!" Hunter said, then his face fell. "The only thing worse than the mindless adolescent direction was Hunter Clarington's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king…"

"That is one guy's opinion," Trent said. "Jeff, read yours."

"The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction–" Jeff began.

"Does anyone have a different paper?" Trent asked. "Nick, read yours." Nick scanned the review in the paper he was holding.

"I don't want to…" Nick said off-handedly. Hunter ripped the paper from Nick's hands to read it.

"The only enjoyable moment is when the king is beheaded and he can speak no more," Hunter read sadly.

"It's okay, Hunt, you should have seen some of the reviews I've gotten," Jeff said.

"The only reason critics are angry is because they're not talented enough to be actors," Blaine supplied. "They don't know what they're talking about."

"Maybe they do," Hunter said. "I've been at this just as long as the rest of you and look where I am. Nowhere. There's gotta be a reason."

"Come on, man, you're just paying your dues," Nick said. "I threw out five different web series before I got this job."

"No, no, man, this isn't worth it, I quit," Hunter said. The other Warblers immediately protested.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Kurt said, "I think this will change your mind." Kurt sat on the curb next to Hunter to read him the review. "In a mediocre play, Hunter Clarington was able to achieve brilliant new levels of… continued on page 146…" Kurt flipped the pages quickly. "….sucking."

Later that day, when everyone had gone to bed and gotten back up, and it was evening again, Hunter was still bemoaning his career.

"Was there anything else you ever wanted to be?" Trent asked, putting a comforting arm around Hunter's shoulders.

"I don't know…" Hunter said. "When I was little I wanted to be a veterinarian, but then I found out you have to put your arm inside cows and stuff. No way, man."

"Hey," Nick said, walking into the room in a slump.

"Y'okay?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, yeah, rough day at work," Nick said. "Someone brought their dog on set and it knocked over a bunch of stuff and broke half the props." He spotted a jacket on the back of an unoccupied chair. "Hey, wait, I know this jacket! That's Sebastian's jacket! Where is he? Where? Let me at him!" He proceeded to look under the table as if they were hiding the 6'2 ex-Warbler under it. Sebastian walked out of Blaine's bedroom stuffing his cellphone in his pocket, and spotted Nick.

"Duval!" Sebastian exclaimed, giving Nick a hug. "You been working out?"

"Not at all! I love this guy!" Nick said. "So psyched to hear you're back with Blaine."

"You and me both!" Blaine said with a wide grin.

"So, what'd I miss?" Sebastian asked, reaching for a glass of wine that was on the table.

"We're just trying to make Hunter feel better," Kurt said.

"Do you want me to pick you up?" Sebastian asked after taking a gulp of the wine.

"Nah, man, I'm alright," Hunter said.

"I'm picking you up," Sebastian said, diving for Hunter and picking him up easily.

"No, no–" Hunter began protesting but then he changed his mind. "Alright! Works every time!"

"Does anyone else need to be picked up before I go?" Sebastian asked, as he took another drink of wine. Everyone in the room raised their hands and Sebastian laughed. "Too bad, I'm running late." He slapped high five with Trent, then took yet another drink of wine. "Public display of affection coming up, you can avert your eyes." Sebastian grabbed Blaine and kissed him fiercely. "Bye!"

"Bye, baby," Blaine said as the door shut behind Sebastian.

"God, he just may be the _funnest_ lawyer I've ever met," Kurt said.

"I really think this time it may work with him," Blaine said. "He just makes me feel so good, and I've been feeling so lousy the last couple months, no job, no boyfriend… Well, at least my cup is half-full."

"Half-full of looove," Kurt sang. Blaine laughed.

"For our two-week anniversary, he's going to take me up to his cousin's cabin," Blaine said.

"Cabin of looove," Kurt sang. Blaine laughed some more.

"Guys, we went through a lottt of wine tonight," Jeff said, cleaning up the glasses.

"Really? I only had two glasses," Trent said.

"I just had a glass," Blaine said.

"Two," Kurt said.

"I had one glass," Jeff said, turning to Hunter.

"I had about a mug-full in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug," he said with a shrug. "Why do you even have this?" Jeff blushed.

"Okay, so that's… what, two bottles? And somehow we went through five?" Jeff asked. Everyone turned slowly to look at the door as they realized.

"So what?" Blaine said. "So he drank a lot tonight."

"Yeah, but, now that I think of it, I don't think I've ever seen Sebastian without a drink in his hand, and not just recently," Nick said.

"Yeah…" Kurt said. "Did you notice, how he always starts his stories with 'okay, I was so wasted' or 'ooh, we were so bombed' or 'so I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut'…"

"Yeah," Nick agreed.

"Blaine, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?" Hunter asked.

"We just happen to go to a lot of places where you might drink," Blaine said defensively. "I mean, how do you go to a wine-tasting without having a drink? Or to a club? Or to the…. Zoo."

Every afternoon the Warblers convened at the coffee house to talk about their days. Jeff picked up Blaine, Sebastian, and Hunter's drinks from the counter and brought them over to their couch.

"Does this have Splenda in it?" Hunter asked, suspiciously peering at his latte.

"Uhm… I don't know, taste it," Jeff said. Hunter took a sip and almost threw the cup across the room.

"I freaking hate Splenda!" he shouted. "It tastes like pencils! Why are you putting pencils in my latte?"

"Take it down a notch, Hunt," Sebastian advised. "What do you say we make these coffees Irish?" Sebastian pulled a flask out of his coat. Hunter and Jeff looked at each other.

"Um… cake!" Jeff said, turning back to the counter. Hunter got up from the couch to get another latte, one without Splenda. Just Blaine and Sebastian were left on the couch.

"You know, it seems like you've been making an awful lot of stuff Irish, lately," Blaine said.

"Well, I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask," Sebastian joked.

"Bas," Blaine said seriously.

"C'mon, B," Sebastian said.

"Maybe this is none of my business, or maybe it is, I don't know," Blaine said. "I'm kinda worried about you." Sebastian chuckled.

"Okay, look, this isn't the first time somebody has said something to me about this," Sebastian admitted. "But you know, I don't know, I always make excuses about it, like 'I'm just a social drinker' or 'hey, come on, it's Flag Day!'"

"So… what are you saying now?" Blaine asked.

"I guess I'm saying… I'll try and quit," Sebastian said. "I kinda like that you worry about me." Blaine reached a hand around the back of Sebastian's neck and kissed him.

"So, what's going on?" Jeff asked, walking back over and sitting next to Sebastian. Trent and Kurt, who'd been in line, came over as well.

"I am going to try and quit drinking," Sebastian announced.

"Aw, why?" Jeff asked.

"Guess what, guess what!" Hunter announced, running back over to them, latte-less, and stuffing his cell phone in his pocket. "Guess who's back in show business!"

"Ooh, ooh!" Trent said. "I love games like this. Let me think…. Lorne Greene?"

"Um, no," Hunter said. "No, not Lorne Greene. Because he's dead."

"Oh, no," Trent said, turning his gaze to his coffee.

"This is going to sound a little bittersweet now, but _me that's who_!" Hunter exclaimed. "My agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!"

"Kick ass!" Trent said, high-fiving Hunter.

"Here's to Hunter!" Sebastian exclaimed, raising his flask. He caught Blaine's eye, then, "here, Hunter!" he said, handing Hunter the flask.

"Thanks?" Hunter said, taking the flask and setting it on the coffee table.

"We have to celebrate," Kurt said. "You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme!"

"Yeah, we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia," Trent suggested.

"Okay, point, but we should do something tonight. Jeff, you in?" Kurt asked.

"I can't tonight, I kinda have plans," Jeff said.

"You have other friends?" Blaine asked in mock hurt.

"Yeah, I… uh, I have a date," Jeff said, nervously.

"Whaat?" Blaine asked.

"You have a _date_?" Kurt asked.

"Yes," Jeff said. "I have a date."

"With a man?" Trent asked.

"No, with a crouton," Jeff said, sarcastically. "What is so strange about me having a date?"

"With a crouton?" Hunter asked.

"What about Nick?" Trent asked.

"Are you still mad at him because he made that list about you?" Hunter asked.

"No, no, I'm not mad at him, I'm not really anything at him, anymore," Jeff said with a shrug.

"What are you talking about?" Blaine asked.

"I don't know," Jeff said. "Whatever I was feeling, I'm… not."

"But you guys came so close!" Kurt exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, you guys. You're just gonna have to get used to the fact that I will not be dating Nick," Jeff said. "Oh, here he is." A not-altogether unfamiliar man walked into the shop. "Guys, this is Rick."

"Hey," Rick said. He looked exactly like Nick, except maybe Nick had a better haircut and a closer shave.

Hunter went to his audition, but it didn't go the way he'd planned, so he went to his agent's.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite client. Tell me, darling, how was the audition?" Estelle asked Hunter.

"I think it went pretty well, I got a callback for Thursday," Hunter said.

"Hunter. Have you ever seen me ecstatic?" Estelle asked. Hunter shook his head. "Here it is." She smiled plainly.

"Awesome," Hunter said. "There's something I want to talk to you about. The network casting lady…"

"Oh, isn't Lori a doll?" Estelle said.

"Yeah, yeah, she's great, but I kind of got the feeling that she was sort of… coming onto me," Hunter said. "And I definitely would get the part if I was to… you know… send in the little General."

"Oh!" Estelle said, picking up her phone. "I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's going on and straighten it out." She dialed her ancient rotary phone. "Yeah, hi, Lori, please. Hi darling! So, how about Hunter Clarington for the part of the cab driver? Isn't he terrific? Uh-huh… Uh-huh…. Okay, doll, talk to you later." She hung up the phone. "Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her." Hunter sighed.

Back at the coffeeshop, Blaine and Jeff were sharing coffee again, catching up on their days. Blaine was on a hiatus between jobs, but Jeff had something semi-regular that kept him in business.

"What's the matter?" Jeff asked.

"Sebastian," Blaine said.

"What, isn't he sober?" Jeff asked.

"Oh, he's sober alright," Blaine said. "You know how he was the 'funnest lawyer' we'd ever met? Turns out he was fun for a reason."

"Oh…." Jeff said. "That's too bad." Blaine rolled his eyes and took his cup from the barista to the couch, handing one to Sebastian, then sitting next to Kurt and Trent.

"Here you go sweetie," Blaine said.

"Thanks," Sebastian said. "You guys wanna hear something funny?"

"Do I ever," Trent said.

"There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the village," Sebastian said. The other three stared at him.

"That is funny…" Kurt said nervously.

"I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walking around the neighborhood, and I'm walking, and I'm walking, and I'm walking, and I'm walking, and I'm walking…"

"Okay, so you were walking?" Kurt interrupted.

"But apparently, there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the village," Sebastian said.

"So it's… a helpful fact, as well as funny," Jeff said, taking a sip of coffee.

"Say, honey, don't you have to be at court now?" Blaine asked, checking his watch.

"Oh, yeah," Sebastian said, before standing up very plainly and leaving. "See you guys."

"Oh, my God!" Kurt said. "He is, like, the most ridiculously dull person I've ever met."

"Thank you!" Blaine said.

"He's not that bad," Jeff said.

"Not that bad? Did you hear the hammer story?" Blaine asked.

"Don't get all squinky, maybe it's the kind of story where you just had to be there," Jeff said.

"But I'm gonna be there! For the rest of my life!" Blaine yelled. "I mean, I can't break up with him, I'm the one who made him quit drinking! He's dull because of me!"

"Don't say that," Trent said. "He's probably always been dull, we just never noticed it before. You just, you know… set it free." Rick walked in just then and Jeff smiled.

"Hey," Rick said.

"Hey Nick," Trent said before realizing who it was and jumping.

"Hi Rick!" Jeff said. "I'm just gonna use the bathroom and then we can go, kay?"

"Okay, I'll just sit and chat with your friends," Rick said, sitting in a chair near their couch.

"Jeff?" Trent asked, following Jeff to the bathroom. "You know what you're doing, right?"

"Uh… in the bathroom?" Jeff asked, confused.

"Well, yeah, but no," Trent said. "I mean, doesn't Rick remind you of someone?" Jeff thought about it.

"Bob Saget?" he guessed.

"Oh, yeah! But no, no no!" Trent said, but Jeff had locked himself in a stall to try to get away from Trent. Trent sighed and went back into the coffeeshop, where first thing he did was run straight into Nick who was always late to coffee dates.

"Hey," Nick said to Trent.

"Oh, no," Trent said, covering his mouth as Nick headed for their couch.

"What's wrong?" Nick asked.

"He's just upset because he buttered a spider into his toast this morning," Blaine said quickly. Kurt nodded emphatically.

"Alright…" Nick said. Kurt stood up to mediate.

"This is gonna be okay, watch," Kurt said. "Nick, Rick, Rick, Nick…" Rick and Nick stood up to shake each other's hands.

"Hey," Nick said.

"Are you a friend of Jeff's?" Rick asked.

"Yes, yes I am," Nick said. "Are you a friend of Jeff's?"

"Actually, I'm kind of a date-type thing, of Jeff's," Rick said.

"A date?"

"Yeah, a date."

"Oh. Oh, _you're_ the date!" Nick said.

"You know, this is actually good," Trent said, watching the two interact. "Because if we ever lose Nick, we have a spare."

"Oh, you're the director!" Rick said to Nick.

"Yes, yes, I am," Nick said. "And you are a…?"

"Editor in chief," Rick said.

"See?" Blaine said to Trent and Kurt. "They're as different as night and… later that night."

"Well, I'm going to get a coffee," Nick said. "It was nice meeting you."

"Ditto," Rick said. He sat back down. Nick went over to the counter to get a drink and ran into Jeff coming back from the bathroom.

"I met Rick," Nick said.

"Oh, you did?" Jeff asked.

"I didn't know we were seeing other people," Nick said.

"Well, we're not seeing each other, so…" Jeff said.

"For your information, there's a man in my crew who the assistant to the B camera operator and he thinks I am just _foxy_," Nick said. "So far I've been keeping him at bay, but if this is the deal, then…"

"Yeah, this is the deal," Jeff said.

"Okay, have a nice evening," Nick said.

"Thank you," Jeff said, sauntering back over to the couch. "Rick, you ready?" Rick nodded and they left together throwing bye's over their shoulders.

"He's dating?" Nick exploded as soon as they'd left, not even bothering to get a drink. "He's _dating_?!"

"Yes, yes, but did you see _who_ he's dating?" Trent asked.

"What do you mean?" Nick asked.

"Do you not see it?" Blaine asked.

"See what? I don't know what he sees in that… goober," Nick said, huffing.

When Trent got back to their apartment that afternoon, a little concerned because Hunter hadn't shown up for coffee, he found not only was Hunter completely alive and well, but he was cooking. Pasta sauce. A ton of it. Hunter was a fabulous cook, but he could only make Italian food. (His pizzas were to die for.)

"Hey," Trent said, walking in.

"Hey," Hunter said, dejected.

"Whoa, whoa," Trent said, seeing the sauce. "So I'm guessing you either didn't get the part or… Italy called and said it was hungry?"

"No, the part's mine if I want it," Hunter sighed.

"Oh, my God!" Trent exclaimed.

"Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady," Hunter said.

"Oh my… God?" Trent said, confused now. Hunter didn't usually give two shits about who he slept with.

"I've been waiting for a break like this for years, Trent," Hunter said. "I mean, Days of Our Lives! That's actually on television!"

"So what are you gonna do?" Trent asked.

"I don't know," Hunter said. "I guess I could sleep with her. I just… how can I do that?"

"Well, I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know…" Trent joked.

"I've never slept with someone for a part," Hunter said.

"I have," Trent admitted. Hunter looked astounded.

"What?"

"But it was a _really_ good part," Trent said. "Is she… good looking?"

"Yeah!" Hunter said. "If I met her in a bar or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. After having slept with her the night before, you know…"

"Yeah, got it," Trent said. "Maybe this isn't such a big deal. The way I see it, you get a great job and you get to have sex! Throw in a tree and a fat guy, and you've got Christmas!"

"I just… I just don't think that I want it that way, though," Hunter said. "You know, I mean, let's say I do make it. I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or… because of, you know, the little General."

"Didn't you used to call it the little major?" Trent asked.

"Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it," Hunter said, obviously.

Sebastian and Blaine were out to dinner. The waiter asked if he could get anything from the bar. Sebastian shook his head. Blaine almost said yes, but one look back to Sebastian and he shook his head as well.

"If you want to drink, it's okay with me, I've gotta get used to it," Sebastian said to Blaine.

"No, no really, I wouldn't feel right about it," Blaine said with a small smile. Sebastian smiled at him as well. "Just some water, please," Blaine added to the waiter, who left their table.

"So the light went out in my refrigerator," Sebastian said. Blaine whipped around fast as lightning and rattled off his favorite drink order from the departing waiter.

Meanwhile, Trent was with Nick and Rick at the coffeeshop, mediating a crossword puzzle.

"We're having fun now, right, Nick? Want to do another one, Rick?" Trent asked. "Eleven letters. Atomic element number 101, ends in 'ium'."

"Dysprosium," Rick said.

"Dysprosium," Nick scoffed. "Try mendelevium."

"And weenie number two has it," Trent said, pointing to Nick. "Unless of course, number nine down, 'Knights in White Satin' was sung by the Doody Blues."

Kurt was over at the counter with Jeff.

"You really don't see it?" Kurt asked. "You actually don't see it?" Jeff shook his head.

"What?!" he exclaimed.

"Honey, you're dating Nick," Kurt said.

"No, I'm dating Rick," Jeff said.

"Rick _is_ Nick!" Kurt exclaimed. "Rick, Nick!"

"Steve, Sleeve," Jeff said, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, no one is named Sleeve," Kurt said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jeff asked. "Other than their names being similar, I just don't see what you're seeing."

"For your information, it's a card sharp, not a card shark," Nick said.

"You could not be more wrong," Rick replied. "You could try, but you wouldn't be successful."

"I'm gonna get some more coffee before the pinching and eye-poking begins," Trent said, getting up from between them on the couch.

"I know what your problem is," Rick said.

"Oh, you do, do you?" Nick asked.

"You're jealous."

"What?" Nick sputtered. "Of what? Why am I jealous?"

"You're jealous because I have a real job," Rick said.

"What? You're an Editor, that's like the easiest job there is," Nick said. "You read other people's stuff and sign it."

"You listen here," Rick said angrily.

"No, let me finish," Nick said.

"No, let _me _finish," Rick said. Jeff was staring between the two of them as if realization was finally dawning on him. Nick and Rick spotted Jeff at the same time.

"Hey," they said.

"Oh my God," Jeff said, freaking out. He ran towards the bathrooms.

Thursday, everyone was hanging around in Blaine and Jeff's apartment.

"Did Hunter say what he was going to do before he left?" Jeff asked.

"No, I don't think even he knew," Trent said. "Would you sleep with somebody to get a great job?"

"I don't know, who would I have to sleep with?" Jeff asked.

"Me," Trent said, shrugging.

"Why would I have to sleep with you?" Jeff asked.

"It's my game. Do you want the job or not?" Trent asked. Jeff shook his head, laughing. Blaine came walking out of his bedroom, packed for the trip to Sebastian's cabin of loooove.

"Good morning," Blaine said to everyone.

"Where you goin?" Nick asked.

"Sebastian and I are going away for the weekend, remember?" Blaine said. He pulled an enormous bag of tiny liquor bottles down from on top of the fridge.

"What's with all the bottles of liquor?" Trent asked. "In the event of a water landing, can this seat be used as a flotation device?"

"Is Sebastian drinking again?" Nick asked.

"This is not for him, this is for me," Blaine said.

"Blaine, you can't handle more than one drink at a time," Kurt said, rolling his eyes. Blaine ignored him and continued.

"This way, he's still sober, but I find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing," Blaine said. Three hard knocks came on the door.

"Even his knock is boring," Jeff said, getting the door.

"Hey, I'll be ready in a second," Blaine called to Sebastian.

"Could I talk to you?" Jeff asked Sebastian. Sebastian nodded, and Jeff pulled him into the hall. "What are you doing?"

"What?" Sebastian asked.

"I don't know if you realize, but since you quit drinking, you have become the single most dull person on the planet," Jeff said. "You used to be fun as hell, what's the deal?"

"When?" Sebastian asked.

"In high school," Jeff said. "Getting us all together for parties and dances and Warbler rehearsal, you were the life and soul of the group!"

"I guess the party left me," Sebastian said.

"I speak for all of us when I say, you've got to find it again," Jeff said. "Sober can be fun too. Please, Bas, snap out of it." He slapped Sebastian, who clutched at his cheek.

"Ow?" Sebastian said. He slapped Jeff back.

"Hey!" Jeff said. He slapped Sebastian again, less hard, and across the shoulder. Then they both started slapping each other. The door to the apartment opened and Nick and Blaine were standing there watching. Blaine cleared his throat.

"Hey, baby, ready to go?" Sebastian asked, his old smirk back on his face. Blaine looked at Jeff, then back to Sebastian. "Or we can stay a bit. No hurry." Jeff smugly collected five bucks from Nick, while Trent relinquished his small bills to Kurt. Blaine didn't take notice.

"Yeah, one sec," Blaine said. He walked back into the apartment and took the bag of little bottles out of his suitcase. "Does anybody want these?"

"I'll take one," Kurt said. "Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant." The door opened again and Hunter walked in.

"Hey," Hunter said.

"Hey! How'd the callback go?" Nick asked.

"It was unbelievable," Hunter said. "I walked in there and she was all over me."

"So what'd you do?" Trent asked.

"Well, I couldn't do it," Hunter said. "I told her I didn't want to get the part that way."

"Good for you!" Nick said.

"Whoa, wait, wait, wait, but then after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part!"

"So, and?" Kurt asked.

"So, you are now looking at Doctor Everett Livingston the Third, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!" Hunter yelled, happily. Everyone cheered. "Alright, and I gotta go shower." He left that apartment for the one he and Trent shared across the hall. Defeated, Jeff slammed the five bucks Nick had given him back into Nick's hand, as Kurt did the same to Trent.

The last time they saw Rick was at the coffee shop, he walked in, dejected.

"Hey," Rick said, walking over to their couch. "I guess you guys heard Jeff dumped me."

"Yeah, that's too bad," Kurt said.

"All he said was I remind him too much of somebody," Rick said. "Do you have any idea who he's talking about?" Trent shrugged.

"Bob Saget?" Kurt guessed. Trent pointed at Kurt to underline this point. At that second, Nick's ex, Jared, walked into the coffeeshop.

"Hey!"

"Hey, Jared," Kurt and Trent said.

"How are you doing?" Kurt asked.

"Oh, I don't know, it's weird not being with Nick," Jared said, "but I guess I'm doing okay. Actually, I've got some of his stuff that he, uh… left.. at my place…" Jared caught sight of Rick. "Have we met?"

"I don't think so," Rick said, getting up to introduce himself to Jared.

"You look so familiar," Jared said. Trent and Kurt looked at each other as they watched this scene unfold.

"Maybe we can talk about it over a cup of coffee," Rick suggested.

"You know what? I'm sick of coffee. Let's go and get some juice," Jared said.

"Alright!" Rick exclaimed. "See ya!" he called over his shoulder.

"Bye!" Trent said awkwardly. Rick and Jared left, holding hands.

"What just happened?" Kurt asked. Trent shrugged. Just then, Blaine and Sebastian danced into the shop. Sebastian twirled Blaine into a seat and went to get coffee. "How was your weekend?"

"Oh, you know," Blaine said with a blush. He waved at Sebastian over at the counter and Sebastian waved back.

"I miss you," Sebastian mouthed at Blaine.

"I miss you too!" Blaine mouthed back. Sebastian smiled to himself.

"Wow," Trent remarked.

"I owe Jeff big time," Blaine said. "I don't know what he did, but it worked. I should get him something."

"I'd suggest a Nick lookalike doll, but he didn't appear to want one," Trent said.

"Sebastian and I have a plan to get Nick and Jeff together," Blaine grinned.

"Excellent, let's hear it," Kurt said.

"Well, first we're going to…."

* * *

**A/N: Should I make this a universe I attempt to write? I was thinking it would also be funny to do every episode like a different thing with no continuity, where Sebastian shows up as the guest star every time and no one remembers who he is and basically he sleeps with everyone. But that's just a little mind palace thing. Leave me a review, tell me what you think.**

**Samantha.**


	2. The One With the Prom Video

**A/N: Hi again. The more I watch Friends, the more I want to write this. I'll be doing a few episodes, maybe a lot of episodes. For the most part, Ross and Rachel are Nick and Jeff. Blaine and Sebastian will generally be together. Blaine and Jeff live together, Trent and Hunter live across the hall and have an epic bromance. Hunter is bisexual, I think, and just about everyone has made out with Sebastian at one time or another. Enjoy!**

* * *

The One With the Prom Video

* * *

Starring:  
Blaine Anderson as Joey Tribbiani  
Sebastian Smythe as himself mostly  
Jeff Sterling as Rachel Greene  
Nick Duval as Ross Geller  
Trent Nixon as Phoebe Buffay  
Hunter Clarington as mostly Monica Geller  
Kurt Hummel as Chandler Bing  
Some Douche named Chris as Chip Matthews

* * *

"Watch this!" Blaine said as Kurt walked into Trent and Hunter's apartment.

"What are you doing in here? Where's everyone else?" Kurt asked.

"Just watch!" Blaine insisted. He turned one of the knobs on the foozball table, and the ball went into the goal. "Pretty neat, huh?"

"Yeah," Kurt said. "Is there anything to eat here?"

"Nah, come over to my place," Blaine said, leading the way across the hall into his and Jeff's apartment. "I got you something." He picked up the envelope on the table in the kitchen and handed it to Kurt.

"What's this?" Kurt asked.

"Eight hundred and twelve bucks," Blaine said.

"I don't know what Big Leon told you, but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night…" Kurt joked. "What's this for?"

"I've got a job again now, and this is paying you back for… everything through college, and when you and Rachel let me live with you and just everything," Blaine said.

"Thanks," Kurt said. "Now I can get my pony."

"And this is a little something extra for, you know, always being there for me," Blaine said, handing Kurt a jewelry box.

"You're not proposing again, are you?" Kurt asked. Blaine laughed and shook his head. "Well, I don't know what to say." Kurt opened the box and pulled out an incredibly hideous gold bracelet. "Wow, I… don't know what to say."

"So? What do you say?" Blaine asked, happily.

"I don't know," Kurt said, trying to smile. "It's a bracelet…"

"Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out!" Blaine chittered, excitedly.

"To my best bud," Kurt read. "Thanks best bud." He put the bracelet back in the box.

"Come on! Put it on!" Blaine said.

"Now? I think something this fancy should be saved for a special occasion," Kurt said, setting the box down on the table and putting a bottle of water on top of it.

"No, no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything!" Blaine insisted, taking the bracelet from the box and putting it on Kurt. "You put this on, and you're good to go." He stood back to admire his handiwork. "Oh, man, you are so wearing that bracelet."

"I so am," Kurt agreed shakily.

"Do you have any idea what this is gonna do for your sex life?" Blaine asked happily.

"Well, it'll probably slow it down at first, but once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track," Kurt said.

Later that day, Nick and Trent had shown up and were diligently eating all Blaine and Jeff's food. The apartment phone rang. Nick picked it up, since he was closest to the handset. I don't know why they still have a real phone, just roll with it.

"Y'ello," Nick said. "No, Jeff's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? Okay, bye." He hung up the phone after scribbling on a nearby post it note. "Hey, who's this Casey?"

"Some guy he met at a bar," Trent said.

"Oh really? What does he want with Jeff?" Nick asked.

"Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance… y'know, make a little love… well, pretty much get down tonight," Trent said. Nick looked at the post-it and then hid it in the cupboard.

"Good choice," Kurt observed.

"I don't know, I don't get it, I mean…" Nick said. "Two months ago, Jeff and I were, like, this close! And now, what, I'm taking messages from guys he meets at some bar? I mean, this Casey should be taking down my messages, y'know? Or, or… Jeff and I should be together and we should get some kind of … answering machine."

"Hang in there, it's gonna happen," Trent said.

"Okay, and how do you know that?" Nick asked.

"Because he's your lobster," Trent said, as if it was obvious. Nick looked at Kurt, who shrugged.

"He's going somewhere," Kurt said.

"Come on. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life," Trent said. "You can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank holding claws." He made a lobsters holding claws motion with his hands. Hunter walked into the apartment.

"How was work?" Kurt asked. Hunter shrugged.

"It's alright," Hunter said. "I think that fifth shower might have gotten all the glitter off." The writers on Days of our Lives threw Hunter down an elevator shaft, and Hunter was now working anywhere he could. Sometimes it was glittery, but it wasn't paying the rent.

"Do you have any other possibilities?" Kurt asked.

"Well, there's always the possibility that Trent and I won't make rent," Hunter said.

"If you want, I can lend you some money," Nick said.

"No, no, no, I couldn't pay you back right away, then I'd feel awkward and tense every time I saw you," Hunter said.

"Okay… why don't you borrow from Sebastian? You feel awkward and tense around him already, might as well make some money off it," Nick suggested.

"Man's got a point," Kurt said, pointing to Nick. His bracelet fell off and he tried to pick it up quickly.

"What is that sparkly thing?" Trent asked.

"This? Uh… it's a little flashy," Kurt said.

"No, no, no, no," Nick said. "That's not flashy, not for a goodfella."

"Man, that's sharp!" Trent said. "Must have cost you quite a few doubloons!"

"Look, Blaine, got it for me, just drop it," Kurt said, blushing.

The next day, Trent and Kurt were hanging out at the coffee house.

"Want a refill?" Trent asked. Kurt shook his head and Trent got up to get one when he noticed a guy checking Kurt out. "Dude."

"What?"

"I wanna get this right, hold on," Trent said, fixing his shirt. "Totally hot dude at 11 o'clock, checking you out." Then Trent went to the bar for a refill.

"Hi," Kurt said to the guy checking him out. "I'm Kurt."

"Ian," the guy said. Kurt stuck out his hand to shake and Ian's face went blanker. "You know what, I gotta go." He ran out of the shop. Kurt was confused until he caught sight of the bracelet.

"This is excellent," Kurt said, rolling his eyes. "He could have gotten me a TV, he could have gotten me something signed by Patti LuPone, but no, he has to get me the man repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace House of Crap!"

"It's not that bad," Trent said.

"Easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection," Kurt said. Behind Kurt, Blaine walked into the coffee house. "I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do, I pity the fool that–" He stopped short, seeing Blaine. "Hey, Blaine, we're just doing some impressions–" Blaine just left without saying anything.

Later that afternoon, Jeff was talking to some guy at the counter, flirting and laughing. Nick was complaining to Trent.

"Would you look at that guy? I mean, how long has he been talking to him? It's like, back off buddy," Nick said.

"I think he's okay," Trent said. Jeff laughed and put his hand on the guy's shoulder to keep from falling over.

"See how he's pushing him away and he won't budge? I'm gonna do something," Nick decided. He got up and walked into the middle of Jeff's conversation. "Excuse me, are you Jeff?"

"What?" Jeff asked.

"I'm Nick Duval. God, in your ad you said you were pretty, but wow!" Nick said.

"What are you doing?" Jeff asked.

"Oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it. Well, hey, I guess if it works out, we'll have something to tell the grandkids!" Nick said. The man Jeff had been talking to gave Nick the once over.

"Sure, well, I gotta go," he said. Then he left.

"You're welcome," Nick said with a smile.

"Am I?" Jeff asked. "For what, exactly?"

"I was saving you," Nick said.

"Saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man?" Jeff asked.

"Well, from where I was sitting…" Nick began to backtrack.

"Nick, listen to me, I am not yours to save," Jeff said.

"But you are," Nick said. "You're my lobster."

"Are you… being the blind date guy again?" Jeff asked.

"No, no, you're my lobster!" Nick said. "See, um, lobsters, in the tank, when they're old, they walk around holding claws. In the tank! With the holding…" He did Trent's claws hand motion. "Trent, you wanna help me out here?"

"Do the claws again," Trent advised.

"Okay, forget the lobsters. Let's talk about us," Nick said.

"Nick, there is no us, okay?" Jeff said.

"No, but–" Nick began.

"No, you listen to me," Jeff said. "I fell for you and I get clobbered. You, then, fall for me and I, again, somehow, get clobbered. I'm tired of being clobbered. It's just not worth it."

"But–"

"No, Nick, no but. We are never going to happen. Accept that."

"Except that what?" Nick asked.

"No, accept that," Jeff said.

Up in Blaine and Jeff's apartment, Kurt was still trying to apologize to Blaine.

"Hey, best bud, come on," Kurt said.

"If you hated the bracelet so much, you should have just said so," Blaine said.

"Doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?" Kurt asked.

"Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?" Blaine asked.

"That's the part where I'm a dick," Kurt said. "But I was holding we wouldn't focus on that." Blaine went into his bedroom and slammed the door. "C'mon, Blaine, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my… wrist." He looked at his wrist and the bracelet was gone. "But, you know, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you just go ahead!" Kurt began pulling the living room apart looking for his bracelet. Blaine opened the door of his room and came out angrily.

"You know what the–" Blaine stopped short, catching sight of Kurt, on his knees, holding the couch cushions.

"I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in ancient times," Kurt said. "Though you may haveth anger now!" Blaine returned to his room, slamming the door again.

Kurt and Trent walked back into the coffee shop the next afternoon.

"I can't believe it," Kurt lamented.

"Would you stop already?" Trent asked. "Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay."

"Oh, you're right, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with, bring on the hay!" Kurt said, exasperated.

"Hey!" Jeff said, startling Kurt and Trent. "I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found?" He held up Kurt's bracelet.

"Hey, now you have two!" Trent exclaimed. Kurt frowned at him. "Oh… now you have two…"

"What am I gonna do now?" Kurt asked, holding the bracelet he'd lost at the coffee shop in his left hand and gesturing wildly with the new bracelet on his right wrist. Blaine walked into the coffee shop and spotted Kurt.

"Hey," Blaine said.

"Hey," Kurt said.

"How come you have two?" Blaine asked. Kurt looked between the two bracelets.

"Well, this one is for you!" Kurt said, holding the one in his left hand out to Blaine.

"Get out."

"No, I can't," Kurt said. "Listen, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry." He put the bracelet on Blaine's wrist. "This is about you and me and the fact that we're 'best buds'."

"Is this friendship? I think so!" Blaine exclaimed. "Check it out, we're bracelet buddies."

"That's what they'll call us!" Kurt said to Trent.

A day or two later, Sebastian walked into Blaine and Jeff's apartment with a box of stuff.

"Moving in?" Jeff joked.

"Not yet," Sebastian said with a smirk. "Just bringing over some stuff from the good ol' days." He reached his hand inside his jacket and pulled out a check which he handed to Hunter. "You can pay me back whenever you like. Or never, it's cool." Jeff started going through the box of stuff.

"What is all this stuff?" Jeff asked.

"I don't know, Warbler stuff," Sebastian said.

"What's on this videotape?" Trent asked, pulling out an old VHS tape.

"I don't know, put it in," Sebastian said with a shrug. Trent put the tape in the VCR and turned on the TV. Jeff's shining face graced the TV screen.

"Wow!" Kurt said, sitting down on the couch to watch. "Nice streaks!" The Jeff onscreen had streaks dyed into his hair. Jeff wasn't in the least bit abashed.

"I looked fantastic, thank you very much," Jeff said. The door to the apartment opened and Nick walked in.

"Sit down, we're watching a movie," Sebastian said, calling Nick over. Nick looked at the TV and decided to flutter awkwardly in the kitchen.

_"Hunter? Hunter, come out of the bathroom!" Sebastian called from behind the camera_.

"You know what this is?" Sebastian asked Jeff, sitting down beside him on the couch. "This is us getting ready for the prom." Jeff grinned.

"We don't have to watch this," Nick said.

"Yes, we do, sit down," Jeff said.

_"Get a shot of yourself, Bas, you look fantastic," Jeff said on the tape. There was a shuffle as the camera was handed to Jeff. Sebastian did look great, in his specially-tailored Armani._

_"C'mon, Hunt, stop hogging the bathroom!" Sebastian said. Jeff handed him back the camera and the bathroom door opened. There was Hunter in a tux, dressed for the prom._

_"Turn that off," Hunter said._

_"It is off," Sebastian said._

_"How come the red light is on?"_

_"That's the off light," Sebastian said. "Right, Nick?" Sebastian swiveled the camera up to where Nick was sitting on the top bunk of the bed in the room he shared with Jeff._

_"Sure," Nick said, looking up from where he'd been staring at Jeff. "You look pretty tonight," Nick added to Jeff._

_"Oh, thanks," Jeff said, picking a piece of lint off his suit. "There's lint all over this thing, can you help me get the back?" Nick climbed down from his bunk into the already-crowded floor of the dorm room to help Jeff pick the lint off his jacket. "So, what are you gonna do this summer?"_

_"Oh, you know, just work on my script," Nick said vaguely. "What are gonna–" A knock on the door. Jeff squealed._

_"The guys are here!" Jeff exclaimed._

_"–do this summer…" Nick finished vaguely, going to sit in the corner at his desk as Trent and Beats walked into the room._

"Oh, look, it's Beats!" Trent said. "He was so nice to me."

"Yeah, I wonder what he's up to now?" Jeff asked.

_"Why isn't Chris here yet?" Jeff asked._

_"He'll be here, take a chill pill," Hunter said as he pinned Sebastian's corsage, and then Jeff's to their suit jackets. Sebastian and Trent traded, so Trent was holding the camera now._

_"I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late!" Jeff whined, blotting his eyes with a tissue._

_"If you're not going, then I don't want to go either!" Sebastian said._

_"Oh, I'm gonna kick Chris's ass," Hunter said, storming out of the room._

_"Psst," Beats said to Nick. Nick looked up. "You should take Jeff to the prom."_

_"Doubtful," Nick said, rolling his eyes. "I'm boycotting the prom, Beats."_

_"Come on, you already have the tux," Beats said. "There's nothing the prom committee over at Crawford could have done to you that you can't give into that." They both looked over, and the camera panned to Jeff still crying into Sebastian's shoulder._

_"He wouldn't want to go with me," Nick said._

_"Of course he would, you're the best roommate he could ever ask for," Beats said._

_"I don't know…"_

_"Don't you want to find out?"_

_"I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom! This is so harsh!" Jeff exclaimed._

_"Okay, okay, I'm going, give me two minutes," Nick said, getting up and going into the bathroom, where his tux was already hanging on the shower rod._

"Okay, you guys, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off," Nick said to the living room at large. The room, especially Blaine and Kurt, shushed him. "Well, I'm not gonna watch it." Nick turned around and busied himself with looking in the fridge.

_"You look great," Beats said to Nick. "Let's show him."_

_"Just a sec," Nick said. He looked at himself in the mirror. "Just be cool. Just be cool." Slowly, he made to walk out of the bathroom. Jeff, Sebastian, and Hunter were now in the hall._

_"Jeff, ready or not, here comes your knight in… oh no!" Beats said. Chris had finally shown up and the other four were leaving._

_"C'mon, Trent, we'll be late!" Jeff yelled._

_"Oh, crap, how do I turn this off?" Trent asked from behind the camera._

_"Give it to me," Beats said, the camera panning to show Nick's heartbroken face before it finally went to static._

"I can't believe you did that," Sebastian said to Nick.

"Yeah, well…" Nick said, looking at his shoes. Jeff got up from the couch next to Sebastian, walked across the apartment and kissed Nick on the mouth. The other five all pounded fists.

"See, he's his lobster!" Trent said happily.

* * *

**A/N: So let me know what you think! Which are your favorite episodes, how can I ruin them? I've got a few in mind. Leave me a review, please, I'm ever so fond of them. **

**Samantha.**


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